I finally get it

We both were definitely not easy to handle. And maybe we were just too similar to get along with each other. And maybe we should have tried harder. I could have asked you about your day, just like you did. I could have tried to understand why you shouted at me. I should have tried to stick to your rules. But our timing wasn’t the best, I fear. When you were angry at me for not tidying up my room, I shouted back at you. Asked you with an ice-cold voice if this was really your biggest problem. Rather than offering understanding for your reactions which arose from all the pressure you’re under, I blamed you for everything that went wrong in my life. I was angry, because you didn’t value me as an individual, but tried to form me more like you. But I didn’t want to be like you.

Now, years later, I understand, Mommy. I understand, that your only aim was to protect me from making the same mistakes that you did. I understand, that you were unable to show me your love, because barely anybody showed you how it feels to be loved. I understand, that I could have made it easier for you with a minimal effort. But I was selfish, I felt treated unfairly and I was ignorant.

I finally get it Mom,

I miss you so much.

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